(Credit for title: seen on a church sign)
CAN NO ONE THINK OF ANYONE BESIDES THEMSELVES?
(Found on another site. Appreciated greatly.)
If you lose your temper, don’t go find it. June 29, 2008
Day 2 of Dairy Land, Swamps and Wind Farms June 29, 2008
Time seems to move slowly here – but not in an agonizing way, as I feel it through my tortuous days in the office. It moves casually. Relaxed, even.
I’ll get there.
What’s the rush?
I’m time. You can’t stop me.
You can’t push me.
I just am.
I can’t get out of this fog I’m in, no matter how hard I try. I feel like I’m moving through a cottony, gelatinous gob all day. My eyes don’t want to focus, my brain.. forget it. I laid on the bed in order to crack my back today around 4:30pm and ended up passing out for nearly two hours. I’m a little achy and feeling horrible about myself in… pretty much every way possible. People keep asking “what are you up do these days,” and I say what I do… of course in an unenthusiastic tone.. and they of course have to ask “how do you like it?” I hate lying so I have to tell the truth. Even as much as my mom will roll her eyes as I struggle to tell the truth in a polite, nonscreaming manner. I am definitely over my fear of failure, it just makes me feel like trash. But, let’s call that progress.
Feeling the ol’ insomnia coming back lately. Maybe I’ll write on something different.
I heart alternative energy sources
On the next set of rolling, windy hills here there is a wind farm. A bit ironic, because most of the land here used to be farmland. The rest either still is, or holds a few house lots in various stages of age and disrepair. Anyway, several enormous, sleek three-armed wind-sensing self-turning windmills line the crests of the tallest rises. There has been a lot of resistance to these being put in south of here where I live.
Another reason people are selfish idiots.
We are running out of electricity, people. No nuclear plants have been built since the 80s. Ok, probably a good thing. We’re running out of coal. And people demand more and more electricity. Ain’t gonna work, people.
Wind farms, while visible, are nearly silent and, from what I understand, low maintenance. They are extremely “Green” and efficient. For some reason, you might even call them graceful. If they want to put one on your land, you have the right to refuse, but they do pay you rent. They aren’t going to plop it on your front porch. There are a few on my grandfather’s sister’s family’s farm, and they say the only complaint they have is that sometimes people get curious (described here as “they get to gawlking”) and occasionally someone will try to drive up to one. Which is understandable, since they are very interesting to be close to. They sense which way the winds are coming, and their entire form rotates to best catch the air. It gives you that weird Mechanical Living Thing feeling, like technology is acting under its own intelligence.
It really angers me that people refuse to make any compromises in consumption – especially gasoline and electricity – and just expect some miracle to happen and it will all be fixed and they wont have to do a farfegnugen thing.
NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
For those arrogant people out there, why don’t you hop over to wikipedia and look up “brownouts,” “renewable resource,” “common sense,” and “compassion.”
So.. what’s the deal with family? June 29, 2008
As I am laying here in what used to be my mother’s bedroom some 40+ years ago in her parents house, 200 miles from my own, “family” still seems extremely abstract. On the scale of Family Closeness, I would probably put myself in the “Not So Much” category. I think I have first cousins that I have never met, or at least would definitely not recognize if I passed them on the street. Nowadays I might see my own brother maybe a handful of times each year, with hardly any other communication.
Back to the abstract thing. Sorry. It just seems like, Family is this group of people that have to accept you – although they don’t in everyone’s case – no matter how much you do or do not see them, there are always these other people roaming around with even more alarmingly similar DNA (and all the things that come with that) than any nonrelatives. It bears responsibility, pressure, and often guilt to be a family member. But it yields security, constancy, and somewhere to be grounded. Sure, I don’t particularly enjoy having inherited some traits, but, it’s kind of humorous when you think about it in a different way.
“Oh good, Dad’s feet didn’t stop with him.” Actually, those feet have probably been around for a looooong time. That makes me feel really weird about my feet.
Every time I come here I still learn something new about my grandparents (not surprising, as I have probably never seen them more than 3 times a year at absolute maximum) – today I learned that my grandmother played the violin, and that her mother played the accordian. ACCORDIAN!!! How delightfully random. She was also the local bus driver, FYI. I only vaguely remember her and her husband in some faint, strange memories about a kitchen table with a silver edge and something about jelly beans.
Then, at a gathering we attended for some distant relative (my mom’s cousin’s kids, whatever those are in relation to me) I walked in the door and BAM I could immediately pick out at least two people who had to be my mom’s cousins because of their resemblance to my grandmother (my mom more looks like her dad) AND by their LAUGH. I know that’s probably a learned thing, but WOW it gave them away.
Fun tidbit to end on: one of my mom’s cousins says to me, “Oh, are you keeping her in line these days? Somebody always had to do it.”
Ha. Another Easter Egg to be found in another visit.
What do I need? June 26, 2008
More cowbell.
My own original artwork. You know the deal – don’t steal.
Recycle your children, too! June 26, 2008
So, I was legitimately looking for a recycled products manufacturer for a project at work and couldn’t pass up this photo.
I think I made something like this for my HAMSTER. Ok, it wasn’t quite so pentagony. Also, this is cardboard. Don’t act like you can leave it outside. Isn’t cardboard famous for giving you the equivalent of rug burn, but only in one thin line?
That hole looks JUST the right size for getting a child’s head or leg stuck. Here, honey, crawl through a triangle shaped door way without getting impaled by the pointy door! Love you! See you in counseling!
What am I waiting for? June 26, 2008
Classic question, no? Often hypothetical, no?
Not for me. Always the flip-flopping exception. So literally, here are a list of things that I am, or to the best of my knowledge am, waiting on.
1. God.
2. The calendar.
3. Medical professional(s).
4. Human resources departments.
5. The seasons.
6. Toenail and fingernail growth.
7. More than three consecutive seconds in which I may relax.
8. Quiet.
9. Other people’s decisions. God.
10. Finding a parking place where my car is not birdbombed.
11. My internet connection.
12. A sign. Or two. Or three.
13. A stirring.
14. Other people’s decisions.
15. The world to change, waitin’ on the world to change, it’s hard to beat the system when we’re standing at a distance, so we keep WAITIN’, waitin’ on the world to change.
16. Other people’s decisions. It’s not really a repeat.
17. My insurance company.
18. The US Postal Service.
19. My water filter pitcher.
20. Water to freeze.
21. The clock to move.
22. The neighbor’s dog to can it.
23. Same neighbor’s kid to can it.
24. Recognition and rightful treatment for being a PERSON and not a MACHINE.
25. No more pain No more pain No more pain No more pain. Or just less.
26. COMEUPPANCE!!! JUSTICE!!! COMEUPPANCE!!!
Well in all seriousness this is kind of making things worse, so I think I will stop there.
And I have had some very nice support, but honestly, if I hear “something will come up,” “it builds character,” “awww,” “it could be worse,” or “it’ll get better” ONE MORE TIME…. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. Thank you, really, but you’re making it worse.
I’d like to think I’ll be running in the race and not crawling soon. Or handing out water to those who are running. Or waiting in the ironic french fry line at the race, not even watching because it’s too hard to see all the runners when your legs and spirit are broken.
I wonder, have I ever run at all? Will I?
For reals. June 20, 2008
I did no Photoshopping to this other than cropping and drawing those amazing circles. This is, in fact, an adult store behind which there is a child’s swingset.
How does one explain this to their kids?
Why? Who?
I better stop there.
My Cost of Living June 13, 2008
For some reason or another it has been a rough week. Mentally. Which pretty much has a domino effect on the other parts of life. Maybe it’s this, maybe not, but I’ve been thinking a lot about the sacrifices I make to take part in the things that I love to do. There is nearly nothing that I do for “enjoyment” that doesn’t come with some risk or obstacle.
It’s those times when I throw myself into these activities that I often most need the spiritual and mental relaxation (and physical exertion). Yet, it seems I have a constant reminder of my weaknesses – Injuries, allergies, the beginnings of carpal tunnel at a ridiculously young age – they are pretty much the big three.
I can’t imagine what it is like to live without limitations like these, and I’ll admit a longing to know (and a tinge of jealously to those who have never known these hurdles). Meeting them time and time again while doing your favorite things has a slow, constant pressure that adds up to more than that sinking feeling when your doctor says “I’m not sure you’ll ever get rid of this…”
But, you know what? We wouldn’t appreciate the daylight if it weren’t for nighttime.
Sure, I have to be a little more careful. Sure, things might be “riskier.” Sure, my doctors might give me that slanty faced look. Sure, I might cough and hack anywhere near smoking. Sure, my right hand might burn when I pull back on the reins or grip the bow of my cello. Sure, a hot, yellow, distinct line of pain my shoot up my leg from my locked left foot every now and then.
But I’m not giving up on what I love. If these things didn’t mean the world to me, I wouldn’t go through that to participate. They would not be precious gifts. They’d just be more “stuff.”
I hate “stuff.”
And I have never even considered giving up on doing any of the things I love. If these are the sacrifices I have to make, consider them made. I could write a book on perseverance and character, even at my young age (I’ll try to spare you, faithful blog readers), maybe even from the past 4 years alone.
But I’ll never write this book. It wouldn’t be complaining, it wouldn’t be overbearing. I suppose it might help someone out. It’s not like I won’t share when asked. I think I’d rather let it build me from the inside out, a silent example.
A life spent gliding down a smooth path lets you slide into obstacles. I find they are much easier to beat when you run at them full force with your game face on.
They aren’t subtle. June 6, 2008
I park in a parking deck in the city where I work. I tend to park near the same vehicles every day, more or less. I even know some people only by their car – Red Tacoma Guy who works at the court house, Tan Liberty lady who works at M&T, Audi Coupe Overcompensating Guy who works at the law firm. I noticed a green Ford Escape with a greyhound dog white magnet cutout on the side. When I leave, most of the deck is empty because it’s after 5:30. Well one day I noticed there was a person sitting in the car.
Wait, make that two people.
Wait, make that two people sitting very close.
Wait, they’re making out.
I’m trying not to assume that this is an affair – but who makes out in their ESCAPE in a PARKING DECK. COME ON! (Gob, Arrested Development, anyone?) So, I got used to it, and then one day I realize I havent seen the Escape for a while. Then, I got to get in my car and realize there’s one just like mine facing me in the next row, but it’s black.
The greyhound applique is on the side.
Hey, there’s someone inside.
Wait, make that two people.
Wait, make that two people sitting very close.
Wait, they’re making out.
Now, not only do I disapprove and feel very sad about their dishonest, disloyal relationship – even if it is just in my head – I am further saddened that someone who would choose the same awesome car that I have is doing this. It’s like I feel like it reflects badly on me.
Or, maybe just people with greyhound-shaped magnets and stupid vanity plates?
