One of today’s fun creations.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow September 22, 2009
List time. This edition: endings to the phrase “somewhere over the rainbow…”
1. …there’s another rainbow (credit: Arrested Development)
2. …you can look back and the rainbow is reversed whoaaa.
3. …trombones are the lead instruments in every ensemble.
4. …cubicles are not depressing.
5. …Al Gore is petting a dolphin.
6. …the recession is really over.
7. …osmosis to the brain actually works.
8. …there are Hatfield and McCoys harmoniously existing.
9. …life has “undo.”
10. …everything is wireless, not just my cat.
11. …it becomes easy to explain the additive color palette.
12. …everyone uses turn signals appropriately!
13. …there are slap bracelets.
14. …we have a reverse-Babel and there is no language barrier.
15. …couches, mattresses, and similar furniture never get grody.
16. …we can choose our neighbors. All of them.
17. …Skittles actually taste like the rainbow.
18. …we get the ability to hide celebrity news, like we can hide people on Facebook feed.
19. …nothing ever gets stuck under your fingernails.
20. …no more unibrows!
Ways to Keep Order and Intimidate Your Annoying Neighbors September 9, 2009
1. Wear an authentic military shirt, the workout t-shirts.
2. Be at least 34% bigger than them.
3. Eyebrows. Serious eyebrows. One skeptical arch I find works well.
4. Eye contact. Ok, stare ferociously.
5. Notoriously get a lot of packages.
6. Authoritative knocking. Use the heel end of your palm, no knuckles. Really shake those hinges. Not enough to crack door (if you want security deposit back).
7. Train cat to growl.
8. Always enter building on cell phone in mid-conversation such as, “I told him to do it, but he didn’t and you know what happens to people who don’t. … … Yep, bald as can be.”
9. Vanity license plate: APT RULR (get it get it, apt or apartment whoa two meanings)
10. Be besties with the super/landlord.
